The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
