After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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