After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
