So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
