i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
