I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
