I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
