i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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