Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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