I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
