I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone signed my nipple.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
