420 ftw
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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