Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
