is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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