If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
