we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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