You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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