just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
