I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
