White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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