I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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