Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
