it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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