holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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