My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
