I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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