You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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