hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
