he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
