just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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