Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
