Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
