a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
