Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
