where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
