a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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