My underwear smells like fireworks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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