You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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