My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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