Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
