maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
