All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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