hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
