i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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