i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
