I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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