i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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