I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
