I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
