Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
