Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
