My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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