i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
