matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
