hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
