Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
