At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
