I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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