Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
